Let's face it- most holidays suck. And frankly, most of them only exist as an excuse to drink. (Just my opinion; not saying it's right or good or anything...) So with that in mind, I made a list of holidays and why we should drink on them (mainly so people will stop calling me a lush...) Here we go:
New Year’s Day- To kill the hangover, if not your ambition and resolutions.
Valentine’s Day- Even if you’re involved with someone, it’s usually a good idea.
Fat Tuesday (the day before Ash Wednesday)- It’s traditionally the day to indulge yourself before the beginning of Lent- so celebrate by getting completely obliterated.
Saint Patrick’s Day- Duh.
Arbor Day- Drink to the trees! Because without the trees, we’d have no oxygen, and without oxygen, we can’t survive! So drink to the trees, damn it! Because they can’t.
Derby Day (the first Saturday in May, when the Kentucky Derby is run)- This is one of my favorites- lots of bourbon, betting, and big- ass hats. The best part- you don’t have to like horsies to drink a Mint Julep (or twelve.)
Memorial Day- It’s traditional, yeah; it’s the official beginning of summer, yeah…also, see any pictures from a Hovelhouse Memorial Day bash.
Independence Day- Not because it’s the birth of our nation, because it’s MY birthday, goddamn it! So let’s get plastered and have a Roman candle fight! And, I suppose, celebrate the birth of the nation by blowing up a small chunk of it.
Labor Day- The official end of summer…let us mourn…and drink to forget the fact that we work a crappy job 50 weeks out of the year and only get ONE stinking day in our honor.
Halloween- Once you hit the legal drinking age, Halloween becomes a LOT more fun. Dress up and get smashed- just don’t hand out nippers to the kids for Trick or Treat. Those go to the big girls and boys.
Thanksgiving- Nothing like a big- ass turkey dinner and the prospect of spending a day with contentious relatives to make you buy extra wine.
Christmas Eve- Any family holiday with religious overtones begs for over- consumption.
Christmas Day- See above. And keep drinking.
New Year's Eve- Because another crappy year has gone by- thank Christ! Now let's drink to the new!
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